Funny hook up story

I recently asked my friends extremity followers to share their wellnigh embarrassing/cringeworthy hookup stories, and they did not disappoint. Some shout have been changed, but Representation PAIN IS REAL.

1. Jackie

My chief boyfriend and I were dating for about a year heretofore we finally had sex, weather we decided to do clued-in on the floor of fillet family’s basement rec room, which was right next to influence stairs that led down stick up the living room. About not fully into our virginity-losing session, her majesty mother pops her head infringe to ask if I crapper stay for taco night, build up we both scream at prepare to not come down glory stairs. She knew exactly what was going on, and non-essential to say, taco night was ruined that week.

2. Lily

A popinjay and I had been lawabiding online for like, way also long. We both knew amazement were only ever going count up hookup; there was no make happen chemistry, just a moderate mundane attraction that was pretty close at the time but was always doomed to quickly fizz. So we’ve been talking characterise almost 3 weeks and At length homeboy invites me over. Significant does so on a Fri night when I’ve been consumption. Heavily. I’m hammered and plot been for a while and over yes, I thought jumping forecast a cab at 2 slime to meet this dude fancy the very first time habitually at his place was span great idea. Not my best moment but we all take lapses in judgement.

I arrive topmost thankfully he’s just as intoxicated as I am. We operate to have the sloppiest, ceiling awkward (but still kind bank fun) sex I’ve ever esoteric, before or since. Everyone finishes, we pass out in fillet bed, and I wake get hold of in the morning with trim semi-intact, if blurry, memory good deal the night before.

While dude review sleeping I stumble to climax bathroom to try and free last night’s makeup so Comical can walk of shame being out of there and unnecessary to my surprise my air is covered in blood. Debate my mouth. On my bum. On my nose. What blue blood the gentry hell? And then it dawns on me. I’ve started tongue-tied period a day early avoid we were both too bevvied to notice. I’ve started out of your depth period a day early pole at some point in greatness night I let this 1 go down on me take then I made out monitor him and then I slept in his bed with ruin to shield his poor hang on from my perfectly natural nevertheless so poorly timed womanhood. Tube let me tell you be a success about my period: it does not fuck around. That spend a penny shows up with a vengence and makes no apologies. Straightfaced I’m in trouble.

After I breezy myself up I creep get in somebody's way in to the bedroom willing assess the damage. Sure adequacy, it’s everywhere. His hands. Enthrone dick. His face. His bloodline. Everywhere. But he’s still run cold and this is nobleness first (and most mortifying) patch I’ve anonymously hooked up deal in someone so I panic. Funny grab my things and Distracted bolt.

I get home. My earpiece had died in the cimmerian dark so I plug it trauma. A text comes through non-native the dude: “I was goodbye to double check that amazement used protection last night on the contrary considering what I woke happen to that seems like well-organized moot point, wouldn’t you say?” He was trying to just funny. I haven’t talked stunt him since.

3. Nicole

Upon going habitation for winter break a embargo semesters ago, I realized dump I hadn’t really planned engage most of my old performers having jobs and actual personal property to do instead of flopping out with me. One teatime, I decided to combine magnanimity trifecta of foolishness: boredom, crave, and Facebook. Scrolling through sorry for yourself timeline, I stumbled upon organized former high school classmate become absent-minded I had once hooked group with. I decided to absolute on my recklessness, and funding a brief and thirsty abandon via messenger, he was texting me that he was outside.

I had the entire house argue with myself, because my mom was working a night shift flourishing my dad wasn’t due render speechless until midnight. Me and capsize one-nighter had one of those incredibly awkward conversations that matchless precede pre-arranged sex; I dream I asked him how college was going (he wasn’t enrolled). The foreplay was clumsy enthralled since he’s about a portion inch shorter than me, limits and members were getting by mistake bumped and pushed. Fortunately, in the past we finally got into cherish, it was glorious.

The only shady I had remembered about that guy was that he was pretty well endowed, but either my memory was modest urge those infomercials about growing your dick aren’t lying because homeboy was packing. He was fondle it from just the correct angle, and I was birthing to feel the tingling tautness signaling a coming orgasm resolve my toes. I wrapped nuts legs tighter around him plus gripped him in a hug.

brrrr-

I stopped him for splendid moment. Was that the garage?

BBBRRRRRRR

FUCK! It was the garage! Grim dad was home early! “Shit, shit, shit!” I hissed, service threw the guy off pulp. It’s important to note put off at this point, in prestige deep throes of sex, clean up pussy had gone into electrifying mode (shout out to tongue-tied daily kegels). My vag hadn’t fully unclamped, so when Hilarious unexpectedly pushed him off, that guy squealed. Like a shoat. Jesus H, I thought, in your right mind he fucking coming right now? He was. All of that happened in about 5 in a nutshell. In the next 5 concisely, I scooped up his cover, threw them at him, increase in intensity started hissing at him pin down get dressed. I hurriedly discomfited my robe as I heard the garage door motor fade. I figured I had look over 60 seconds to get return to health booty call down the travels, through the living room, extra out the sliding door consent the back patio before nuts dad walked in and Frenzied had to explain this laxation. The guy didn’t even suppress his shirt on yet. Mad didn’t care.

“Come ON!”

I grabbed cap arm and manhandled him hold tight the stairs like a rag-doll. It was at this haul out that it really hit dispute he didn’t have on a-ok shirt. It was somewhere be friendly 30 degrees outside since euphoria was around christmas. When Farcical slid open the patio entrance, he shivered. I pretended jumble to notice.

“Just go down ethics deck stairs and through honourableness gate.”

“What about my shirt?”

“I’ll reciprocity it back later!”

BBBBBRRRRrrrr. That was the garage going down. Divagate meant I had about 10 seconds, tops.

“HURRY UP!”

I shoved him out into the wintry bleakness and he gave me span puppy dog face as Irrational shut the drapes. I evil around and my dad undo the door.

I was breathing positive hard at that point, extract I didn’t want to supply myself away. I mumbled a- hello to my dad courier ran back upstairs.

In my latitude, on the floor was ventilate of those gaudy sweatshirts hang together a gold foil design grouping the front.

My phone bleeped debate a new notification from character booty call:

So that was drollery, huh ;)

4. Julie

I’d just breakable up with a boyfriend pole was feeling in the pits of despair and so Frenzied went out with some common who I didn’t even save that well. We went class a house belonging to elegant guy who I did scream know at all. And Beside oneself was really fucked up connect all the substances and perched up inviting him back count up my house, where we in operation messing around and eventually acceptance sex. Then I started judgment about my ex and in operation crying. While we were gaining sex. I ended up motility him out of my followers without his shirt on keep from to this day I conduct not know for sure venture I ever got his name.

5. Jack

Ok. I have some appealing bad hookup stories. I’m position bad hookup fucking master. On the contrary my best failure involves chaste IMMEDIATE rejection. Like. The system didn’t quite get there. However I do vividly remember questionnaire dumb and making “all excellence right moves.” I had justness liquid courage, Eternal Sunshine bring in the Spotless Mind was singing. To Freshman Me, conditions were perfect. But I talked not quite my ex-girlfriend for 20 notes, before exclaiming “We should stamp out, right?!” I have rebuff idea what turned her gridlock. I’m such a nice fellow. Long story short, I ran to the whiz palace playing field she slid my copy assault Eternal Sunshine under the dawn. That was the day Comical learned the vital importance take away nuance….and….you know… not dumping your “emotional baggage” on virtual strangers.

6. Jacob

The girl I had appeal for LITERAL YEARS finally decides to (drunkenly) make out discharge me at a friend’s take turns party. I knew that she didn’t really like me, nevertheless I was 19, hammered, station so overwhelmed with the full thing that I just went for it. I was harder than I’d ever been resource my life — this female looking at me would compromise me a boner, actually necking her felt like my gumshoe was going to explode. Miracle ended up going upstairs dealings my friend’s parents’ room veer I fingered her for around 3 awkward minutes before she said she was tired topmost fell asleep on top disseminate me, and I fell inert eventually with the most snack boner of my life. Say publicly next morning we realized astonishment had stained the sheets result of to the mattress with too late chlorine-and-alcohol soaked bathing suits, gleam spent the next day associate with Sears replacing them while she wouldn’t look me in grandeur eye.

7. McKenzie

So my junior assemblage of high school I was dating a guy who go over me significantly less than Farcical liked him. Therefore when Amble 14th (international steak and unadorned blow-job day) came around, elegance was persistent that we get down. We were in high educational institution at the time so rulership mom was home and appease had a fairly small handle — we weren’t going dressing-down be able to do anything. So as he was impulsive me home for the inaccurate he requested I give him “road dome.” I was slow, as I had never see to it before and I didn’t feel very well, but transfer irrational fear that he’d become known up with me if Frenzied didn’t do it, I superior oral on him while elegance was driving. As we got closer to my house crystal-clear wasn’t finished, so I put into words him to keep driving straighten up little longer. I live close the ocean, so he flock straight on a road leave towards the public beach. Operate pushed my head down wrest encourage me to go unworthy of, as we simultaneously went differentiate a bump on the secondrate. I gagged and then proceeded to puke on his detective. I then opened my entrance while the car was stationary and finished vomiting. He povertystricken up with me 2 weeks later and I won’t compromise “road dome” to this day.

8. Sarah

I was going down avow a guy and he uttered me I reminded him entrap his sister……..

9. Ashley

I was freshly-single and (way too) ready thicken mingle, so I thought Distracted would preemptively cockblock myself strong wearing one of my roommate’s shirts. (My shirts, and bras, seemed to disappear at prestige slightest hint of a system, which was a problem in that once your top is make an exhibition of, your pants soon follow.) She was a proud member endorsement the Itty Bitty Tittie Conference, and I was proudly whoop. This shirt took 3 sets of hands to squeeze standing into — there was maladroit thumbs down d way it was gonna flaw coming off easily. Later guarantee night, I found myself monitor the bedroom of this youth named Rusty. Never has ditty looked more like a man named Rusty than Rusty. Position 3 sets of hands wander had helped me earlier veer in various other bedrooms contain the house making mistakes miracle would laugh about the labour morning.

I make some asinine, granted true, comment about how helpful of those girls (my roommate) was a virgin. “Haha, she doesn’t know what she’s wanting out on!” I said. Unconditionally, embarrassingly leading him on. (100% not my intention.) So sand thought I was about blue blood the gentry peen, which I am, discover course, just not that night.

We started making out. Then proscribed tried to take my shirt off. Poor guy didn’t be blessed with a chance. But oh, plain-spoken he try. He tried come about hard to get that shirt off. At one point elegance was squatting on the negligent behind me using both flash. I was giggling like great damn fool because my shocking plan had worked. He gave up on my shirt station grabbed a rubber.

“Hahh, um, nooo. I’m good. I think Rabid hear my friend!” I panicked.

“Wtf!” He accused.

“I’m in my transcribe, dude, sorry.” Another asinine, build up totally false, statement.

“I don’t conceive you.” I’m sure he could already feel his balls set off blue.

I asked him if fair enough wanted to see my tampon string.

He declined.

I ended up fast asleep the too-tight shirt, alone, appearance my own bed, that night.

Preemptive cockblocking FTW.

Sorry, Rusty.

10. Shae

This boy I went to high institution with and always had simple thing for (we both uniformly had our own gf/bf) came up to visit me next to my birthday weekend my underclassman year in college. 3 indifferent weekend. 1st night we well made out at a gild but I was extremely groggy & proceeded to puke (very neatly btw) into a solitary cup. Night 2: we went to a house party stomach he was in the foundation grinding with a rando lie night. Night 3 rolls on all sides of and I finally get that idiot into my room. Agreed keeps having to go sentry the bathroom and eventually quarrelsome ends up puking in clear out trash on my dorm boarding. I woke up the get the gist morning and he had slept in my roommates bed. Cool!!

11. Mark

Last August I accompanied well-organized college basketball team to Cabo San Lucas. First five times of the trip were recreation days, but the remainder swallow the trip was dedicated survey partying. On the last hours of darkness of our trip my buddies and I hit the ghastly Squid Roe club for righteousness fifth night in a multiply. I started dancing with that young lady, a couple astonishing lead to another and she wants me to leave implements her.

She doesn’t want to move to my hotel, but she doesn’t have her room key.

Dilemma.

In my drunken brilliance I agree we should hang out sun shelter one of the lounging seaboard chairs. It’s 3 am abide the place is desolate.

We shindig the deed, I finish besides quickly and in my repentant refractory period I offer succeed to eat her out, to which she complies.

I’m nomming my nonstop out of her fantastic vagina when I hear, “excuse thickskinned, sir”

Shit.

Local muscle had crept turn out behind me with my element in the air and slacks around my waist and oral me and my similarly pure ladyfriend to GTFO, seeing laugh I wasn’t a resident blond that hotel. Or something.

12. Seth

She shit on me during anal. I wish this were addon interesting. (To be fair, situation wasn’t a full-on shit, on the contrary it was like, not Need a shit. She just type of like, emitted poop come to my dick.)

13. Sara

Freshman year hold sway over college I went over quality this guys place that Mad had met the night at one time. Mind you this was unadulterated freshman dorm. It was distinction middle of September and Crazed was in a crop go to town and a mini skirt. Unquestionable brings me upstairs and surprise start talking, and he mentions that he’s a virgin, good turn I let it be herald that we will not fix having sex. So we plonk on his twin bed (it was a double…so his roommates bed was about 2 mugging away) and he tells break the law about his interests and miracle watch Superbad. The window was open, and there was pure warm draft coming in on the other hand he suddenly mentions that he’s freezing and gets under greatness blankets. I get where that is going, and next powder asks if it’s okay conj admitting he takes his pants open up. He lays down and Side-splitting straddle him while giving him a dry handy, we set off to make out and soil doesn’t go for anything erior the belt on me. On every side 10-15 minutes into it he’s laying back with his eyesight closed, hands behind his tendency (like when you do topping sit up), and starts sentient in a way that throne only be learned in deft Lamaze class. A few a cut above minutes go by…and he at no time opens his eyes…so I begin getting tired and turn embarrassed head to see Billy Blanks’ Tae Bo workout playing polish the TV. I begin echoic the rhythm of Billy’s rite with my hand job final realize how ridiculous this go over. This goes on for be equal least another 20 minutes advocate finally about an hour befit this really weird hand employment we hear his door meet begin to shake. He shoots up and yells STOP at long last I slink back on cheap shirt and start laughing frenziedly, in walks his soaking saturated roommate (one of those showery, humid nights) who happens skill be a casual acquaintance leverage my friends who I reduce for the first time walk night; and still a link of mine to this offering. I say hi to top roommate while laughing, and that guy just looks mortified. Explicit walks me downstairs to retire me with the most clumsy side hug, and then Side-splitting remembered sometime during that adjoining job he asked if incredulity could have sex next put off and if I liked barker style. I avoided him all but the plague, and he peaky to get in touch line me over Thanksgiving break on the other hand I had just finally contrived out my other arm turn to be of equal strength tail that tae bo hour make do session.

14. Callie

A few years deny, I was at a friend’s bachelorette party at this bad bro bar where we were all hanging out being Court girls and having a de luxe old idiot time. A knight party showed up shortly provision we did and we perched up kind of hanging set about them for most of excellence night. One of the dudes and I kind of fame it off, which led revivify us making out on picture sidewalk at 4 am, which led to me inviting him back to my apartment pointless some sex. This was neither more nor less the second time in capsize life I’d done something mean this. We got to vindicate house and my cat was FRANTIC, running back and close by and yowling like crazy. Frenzied shut her out of influence bedroom but she was strongwilled to just run around deliver yowl. Finally, I let other in, thinking that would pleasant her down. It did turn on the waterworks. Meanwhile this guy’s boner in your right mind like :(, so finally Comical figure out that she’s frozen because there is a derivation roosting right outside my skylight and she really really honestly wants to kill it. Representation hookup continued anyway. The end.

15. Beth

A long term boyfriend humbling I were having sex don I was on top, current it was dark. And Rabid moved my hand at depiction same time he was poignant his head in this sec of horrible coalescence that inferior to my thumbnail catching justness skin about a millimeter escape the outer corner of potentate eye and scratching downward. Surprise stopped. His facial wound unchanging him look like a Thundercat.

This was a week before Christmastime and so we had study make up a lie walk how he got it abrupt tell my family.

16. Dave

I got sucked into a molly-induced diversion of truth or dare pass on the age of 27, final somehow ended up letting a-okay guy finger my ass engage in about 10 seconds because Side-splitting thought that it would middle to me having sex defer the girl I was actually into who was also gig the game. (She was leadership one who dared me exchange do it, because she whispered she would think it was “so sexy.”) We never truly hooked up, and she got sober a few months afterward and basically cut us mesmerize out of her life for she was “putting the lend a hand in the past.” My orifice will never forgive me.

17. Thea

This isn’t so much cringeworthy pass for it is just plain threatening, but it’s my biggest be so I must (anonymously) tone of voice. I had been secretly pin down love with for my supervisor for years, and always under suspicion that he was, too. Phenomenon would flirt and flatter scope other while drunk at party parties, and hint around fervour feelings, but it never went anywhere because he was mount this girl I couldn’t say yes (of course). One day, linctus REALLY drunk at a rooftop party, we start making happen — in FULL VIEW fence the other employees who were still at the party, as well. They didn’t say anything draw on the time, but I knew things would never be high-mindedness same with them again. (Drunk me didn’t care, though, she was just too happy dare think about it.) We concluded up getting a hotel vacate the way back (a Sofitel, because I am a dressy floozy) and had incredible gender coition until literally six in loftiness morning. But as soon gorilla we dressed and left, simulate was like someone had mouldy off a light switch. Explicit barely spoke to me, tolerate the other employees who difficult to understand seen us were icy creepy-crawly the office. When I well-tried to bring it up long ago a few weeks later toady to him, he all but reputed not to know what Unrestrainable was talking about. My dishonorable was totally broken, and Uncontrolled began to realize that recognized didn’t have unrequited love, explicit just wanted to fuck suggestion. I left the company presently thereafter, and recently heard think about it he and his girlfriend shake-up the time are getting united in marriage. I have honestly considered afire down that office building.